More Than That
by erialeduab
Summary: A retrospective look at Jim and Pam's relationship.


It was always about more than _that_ , and he knew it from the start. Even though _that_ is what he loved most about her. Falling in love was quick, easy, inevitable. They would talk and laugh and be happy. If life is a series of moments, then it was those innocent instances that defined Jim for the longest time.

But falling also hurts. She was his everything. And he was her best friend. They told each other everything, but he had to keep his biggest secret hidden from her. On that first Dundies the documentary crew filmed, when they shared their first kiss, even if she didn't remember it, he could see a future. Their future. And for that split second he wanted to keep kissing her, to forget Michael's incessant rambling and Kelly's semi-drunken whooping and focus on her. But there were no second chances, there was no messing this up. This was Pam, and it was really that simple.

It was funny that she could never quite keep Roy and Jim in her head at the same time. They seemed to be competing for her attention, Roy's physical presence would often win, but the minute he was gone her mind would wonder to the last joke, the last prank, the last laugh she and Jim shared. She knew that he was special, that he was different. He meant the world to her. She told herself he was her friend, her best friend. She didn't want to admit to herself that it was love with him. It couldn't be, she was engaged. That didn't happen to real people. That didn't happen to her. She loved _Roy_. She was _marrying_ Roy.

Sometimes the two would come close though, and she felt like her head was going to burst. There was Jim, and he was with Katie, talking to Katie, all the time _._ She'd call the office and surprise him for lunch, and there Pam was, alone. No, no she wasn't, she had Roy, and even when he said he'd do Angela, and even thought it wasn't _okay_ , she'd tell herself of course it was because it was just a joke. She just wanted Jim to be happy, anyways, and if that meant Katie, then that was great because Katie was so nice. She was sweet and kind and funny and she made Jim happy and that was all that mattered. That didn't stop her from kissing Roy though, right in front of Katie's car, in front of the whole office, trying to remind herself why she was kissing him in the first place. Why she felt so uncomfortable when all those unsaid things, those buried feelings nearly exposed themselves, nearly destroyed that world she'd created in her head, the bubble insulating her from the obvious truth.

And then on casino night, everything changed. Jim broke that unwritten law, burst that bubble and forced Pam to face the truth, the things they had both known for years. It hurt Jim to feel that way, and it hurt Pam hear him say it. But the truth saved them both. Jim finally got through to her, forced her to acknowledge the fact that their relationship could be more than _that_. That if she felt the same way, he was hers. Had always been hers, even if she didn't know it just quite yet.

Pam could suddenly _breathe_. It was as if she'd been holding her breath for years, waiting for something to change, for someone to come rescue her. From what, she didn't know. And then there was Jim and she forgot her worries because _he_ was there, everyday. Walking out with her and buying her favorite yogurt and playing pranks with her and _listening_ to her. And now he'd shown her the way out, shown her that she deserved more, that she could have more. She could have him.

To many, their lives were a fairytale. She was gentle, kind, beautiful in so many ways. He waited for her for years, patiently. He was so careful with her. They were best friends, and their friendship meant so much more than any of that. They got married and had two beautiful children. For the most part their life really was a fairytale.

There came a point when Pam knew she wouldn't go back to art school. She would probably work at Dunder Mifflin for several more years, and that was okay. She didn't need a career to be happy. But when Jim started his company she saw, for the first time, passion. A drive to do something _more,_ to create something new. He was good at his old job, first for himself, and then for his Pam and the kids. But now, she saw his dreams through her eyes, saw how important this was for him. So she let him go. She let him go because she was afraid that if she kept him he would resent her. For unfinished dreams, for unfulflled wishes. For the what-ifs and the if-onlys. And she couldn't live with that. He just didn't understand that she wasn't ready yet, she needed a little bit more time before her world was turned upside down. Time to say goodbye to their old life, to Scranton, to life as they knew it.

To many, their lives were a fairytale, and they were soul mates. But no one ever tells you about the _ever after_. Relationships take hard work. Whether or not they were soul mates is entirely the wrong question. What is most important is that they never forgot that this thing that they had, their love, worked. So wonderfully. Neither ever gave up on _them_. On Jim and Pam. Because _that_ was the most important thing, and everything else, well, everything else was just peripheral.


End file.
